Have you ever fallen in love with a girl or a woman? This happens to many girls, and at first, they often find this completely normal. Feelings just appear; suddenly you can’t get a particular girl out of your head and get butterflies in your stomach. Often, the first thing people think of when they hear this is the term “lesbian”. After all, they have strong feelings for a particular girl – and nothing else. Many only ask themselves afterwards whether they are lesbian or not. For example, when others hear about it and use the word “lesbian” on them like a stamp. Or because the girl that they fell in love with reacts strangely. Or because they always imagined eventually starting a family with a man and are now suddenly confused about their own feelings. Because they don’t want to be “different”.
Maybe you’re still unsure, whether you are lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual, i.e. you can and want to love girls, boys, or both. That’s totally fine – you don’t have to define your sexual orientation (whether you are heterosexual, lesbian etc.). All of these feelings are okay, and you can live in any way and in any type of relationship which you choose – the most important thing is that your relationships are consensual and that you are on the same page about what you want from the relationship.
People deal with their sexual orientation in different way. Some find it important to define themselves as “lesbian”. Often, they then also want their partner to publicly acknowledge their relationship. The term “coming out” is used when girls or women openly show their love for each other for the first time. Others don’t want to label themselves because, for example, they have fallen in love with both boys and girls, and don’t expect their partner to label themselves either.
Some female couples stand by each other’s feelings and are happy when they are together, but don’t want others to notice. They may fear being rejected or looked down on by their families, at school, at work, or by their friends if they come out as being lesbian. This is because being heterosexual is still perceived as the “normal” sexual orientation in many societies. When girls show that they don’t conform to this societal image of normality, some do go through bad experiences. Some are put under pressure, are controlled and have their freedom restricted by parents or others, and sometimes may even be threatened or physically harmed. If you ever find yourself in this situation, it is important to know that in Germany you have the right to freely choose with whom you spend your time, and are allowed to move around outside freely until the time as specified by law for young people.
Not all experiences are bad. In fact, girls who fall in love with another girl and show their love in public often have a much more positive experience than they expected, and realize that many of their fears were unnecessary. It can also happen that people may first react with astonishment or some level of rejection, but then quickly get used to the situation and find the lesbian feelings of their daughter, sister or friend completely normal and approve and support them.
You need to find out what is best for you. What makes you feel good. While doing so, differentiate between your own interests and the interests of others. If those around you react negatively toward your feelings for another girl, ask yourself why? Why do some people use the word “lesbian” as an insult? Which prejudices are behind this? Does this scare you? What can you do about it? What are your own wishes? Do you want to hide an important part of yourself? Or would you prefer to live and express what you feel freely?
Such questions can be quite stressful. Here in the online consultation you will find understanding for your situation, and help for your questions and/ or problems related to sexual orientation.